fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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