you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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