some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
