so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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