my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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