No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
