Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
