My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
