New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
