I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
