hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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