GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
