I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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