smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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