I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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