My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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