She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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