You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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