I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
