Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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