Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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