I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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