did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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