I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
FUCK WHALES
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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