Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
