If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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