I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
