2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
