guys are not supposed to queef...right?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
