I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
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