I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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