So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How's work?
Spinning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Houston, we have a squirter
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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