The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dick very happy bro
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize