I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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