i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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