Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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