he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize