he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
