go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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