He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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