I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
