I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
