I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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