He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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