Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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