fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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