@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
