i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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