this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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