i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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