rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
