I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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