Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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