I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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