Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
