I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
