Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You smell like stripper and shame
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize