dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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