Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Someone shit on the floor
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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